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Werewolf in Kansas

Recently at a traders function in Kansas, I ran into an ex-coworker and friend of mine Jake.  I’ve mentioned him before.  He’s the tech trader who likes to tie one and then tell women how (his very much alive wife) recently passed way.   Honestly speaking, he is one of my dearest friends in the business and and one of the most dangerous drinkers on the street.  This guy has no middle ground. He self admits that for him there is no such thing as one or two drinks (or even 10)…  Either he goes straight home after the close or he is out hard – never anything in between.  When he goes home he is the perfect husband, father and just another de-clawed house cat.  But when he goes out – Don’t even think about getting in his way.

He makes Jeckle and Hyde look like amateurs and one the the funniest people you’ll ever come across.  He is a cartoon character.  Once he locks his sights onto something (or someone) he’s the poster child for drunken determination.  The more he drinks and the more difficult it becomes for him to form sentences (even words) – the harder he presses.  It’s amazing.  You really do need to see this guy in action.  He’s always entertaining and never gets violent (unless of course you’re trying to put him in a car to send him home).

As usual the event was a good time an the night was interesting. And somehow I managed to wake up at 5:30 to make my 7AM flight.  But wouldn’t you know it, while I was walking out of the hotel, up pulls a cab and there’s Jake (by himself) in his red velvet smoking jacket (yes not only does he own one but he packed it for the trip), just getting in for the night from a casino that has to be at least 45 minutes away.

Jake sure was glad to see me since he gambled away his last dollar, couldn’t speak and was having a tough time peeling his credit cards off the floor of the cab where his wallet obviously exploded.

I poured him into a lobby chair and asked the front desk to keep an eye on him. God I miss this guy and how normal he makes me feel.

Something about Kansas City…




3 Responses

  1. Al Veoli Says:

    When I was in Kansas City visiting some clients, I couldn’t figure out why the place died out after 6 pm by the convention center. I was later told by the concierge that there was a hotspot out of the downtown where people went, so I hopped a cab my second night there and met some pretty women there. It must be something about the air there that causes the pretty women to grow the way they do there, because the women in Tulsa (not that far by airplane) aren’t nearly as fetching. Of course, as a married fella, I kept my pants on in both cities.

  2. Al Veoli Says:

    Hey, here’s a new one for the fellas:

    This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it.
    ‘Oh my God!’ she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law. She sees the local sheriff’s car parked in front of the town bar.
    ‘It figures,’ she says as she storms inside.
    The first thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who’s sitting at the bar with his drink.
    ‘What kind of sick town are you running here? I drive into town and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal…. and then …I come in here …and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in public!’
    ‘Well, ma’am,’ the sheriff slowly replies, ‘you don’t expect him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya?’

  3. Slacker Says:

    It died out because of you. They all ran Al. Get a clue

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