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Here Suck On This For a While

I’m not sure who’s more full of shit – the sales traders who always have 101 reasons why clients should be paying them more or the buy side traders who keep coming up with reasons no to.  Here’s a few lines I’ve heard too many times to count.

We are doing some work on this one so keep us up.… Yeah OK.  So  all of a sudden there’s a place in your model in between EBITDA and P/E ratio to plug in how much I’ve traded and how much more stock I have to buy.  The only work you’re presently doing is buying the stock away from me with your d-bag buddy at Jefferies and you want to now what my buyer is doing so you penny me all day.

I’m not doing anything, but I see you’ve been active in XYZ and my PM was asking me what I’m seeing … followed by, “If I get anything to do I’ll give you a call.”...  This is proof they think we’re retarded.

Your guy has been very helpful, we’ve just been very slow – Here suck on this for a while.

Supposedly Off Wall Street published a negative report on XYZ, can you try and get that for me…?   Scraping the bottom of your sales trading barrel are you?… I knew it couldn’t have been an order.

You’re doing a good job. Just remember the race is long. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. – Whatever guy.

We need to submit two years of audited financials and your last income statement… Just stop.

Good luck in the new shop.  We’ll trade with you but the first one’s got to be a natural.  You’re fucked and you should never have left your old firm.

Nobody has come to the desk and suggested that I pay your firm. Translation:  Your salesman is either a liar and he sucks or he his delusional AND he sucks.

Thanks for getting my PM the corporate access meeting, it will be reflected in the vote. – You should have given the 1×1 to a paying customer.

It sounds like your sales person is making some progress but he’s got a ways to go before you guys make the list Your client is shoplifting and enjoying the freebees.

Hey good news, one my analysts were talking about your firm earlier so I guess he must be finding someone useful Notice the complete lack of detail.  That’s a total fabrication and your client is setting you up with false hopes before asking you for tickets to tomorrow night’s game.

Keep fighting the fight.

-Dopey

 

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