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Glossary of Trading Terms and Phrases

Better Lucky than Smart The only thing we have going for us.

Buyer OutsideSomething sales traders say to force your hand when they get tired of watching you play stock market.

Clean up If you believe that I have a bridge to show you.

CSA – Clusterfuckk Service Alternative:  When it’s easier for your client to just write a check rather than trade with your team of farm animals.

DFIU The latest IM catch phrase meaning “Don’t F**k It Up”.

Discount Bid – Chinese trading fire drill.  There’s a 1 in 10,000 chance you actually get a trade on at the price but it’s a good exercise for going through the motions and a great way to kill a few minutes and piss some people off. Read the rest of this entry »

Day of Action – Begins Today

The “day of action” is to begin early, with protesters converging on Wall Street camouflaged in business suits hoping to blend in with office workers trooping out of the subway.

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/occupy-wall-street-protesters-vow-wear-suits-blend-revenge-zuccotti-park-raid-article-1.978485#ixzz1dxfjW8M6

“We will rise from beneath. They can’t stop all of us. It’s going to get crazy,” vowed one organizer. “They took the first shot Tuesday night. [Thursday] we return fire. We will be peaceful, but we will resist.”

“We expect to be arrested,” said Sonya Zink, 40, of Park Falls, Wis. “We have tried to compromise with our oppressors. The time for compromise is over. [Thursday] is the time for action, and there will be action.”

Honestly – I don’t even know where to begin.

Enjoy the circus,

Dopey

Fork You Mario!

Hey guess what big fat fuck-head chef apologized for comparing bankers to Stalin and Hitler to Time Magazine ?

By now you’ve probably already read or heard what Iron Dip-Shit had to say about the people of Wall Street.  Mario Batali was quoted by Forbes as saying, “The way the bankers have toppled the way that money is distributed–and taken most of it into their own hands–is as good as Stalin or Hitler  Really?  Stalin and Hitler?  The only thing worse than ignorant people is successful ignorant people with a voice.

(http://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffbercovici/2011/11/08/celebrity-chef-mario-batali-says-bankers-as-bad-as-hitler-stalin/)

I know some of you are reading this thinking.. well, he was talking about bankers specifically and not the financial industry in general… Listen, if you’ve learned anything over the past few years is that the entire non-finance world lumps us all in together.  Bankers, Wall Street, Traders, Brokers… In Main Street’s eyes we are all the same.

I don’t get it.  Have his restaurants become so successful that he’s lost sight of who’s paying for 75% of his $100 bowls of $2 pasta on their corporate cards?   Maybe his Iron Chef series has become so popular, he viewed those ill thought out “Fuck you Wall Street” comments as a way to connect with his middle America couch potato viewers.  At this point we can only assume it doesn’t really matter to him whether his tables are filled or not. 

I say fuck him, his empty apology and his eateries.  All Mario Batali restaurants should be banned by Wall Street going forward.  Here’s the official DO NOT VISIT list – Pass it on:

  • Babbo Ristorante
  • Bar Jamon
  • Casa Mono
  • Del Posto
  • Eatly NYC
  • Lupa
  • Manzo
  • Otto Enoteca Pizzeria
  • Complete List HERE.

-Dopey

 

Occupy Wall Street – Your Stupid is Showing

Occupy [ak-yuh-pahy]

Verb (-pies, -pied) [trans.]

To take up space (Like the old spare tire in the corner of your garage).

If you’re one of the many who can’t view YouTube at work or you’re not hearing Star Wars music during the intro then click HERE.

I don’t know about you but I have had just about enough of Occupy Wall Street and the 99 percent. That being said, curiosity got the better of me so I went downtown into the belly of the beast with my camera and interviewed some protesters.  Don’t get me wrong, misguided as they are, I do sympathize with these clowns… Times are hard and people have the right to be angry. This middle class is getting squeezed and the gap between the haves and have-nots is widening.

During the protesting, articulately challenged OWS leaders (some of the louder ones) have made some valid points. But they should be picketing somewhere they could bring about change – like Washington DC and the homes of politicians and CEOs, not the offices of Wall Street brokers and traders.

If there was one thing that really made me think, during the above interviews, it was the girl who defined what’s too much. She said, “When you have enough to put food in your stomach, pay your bills, and have a little bit of luxury – then you should settle.”

Can you imagine what this country would look like if everybody thought that way? I can tell you first hand, it would look and smell exactly like Zuccotti Park does right now. Instead of holding up WE ARE THE 99% signs, all those deadbeat ambition-less attention seekers should be carrying signs that say UNDER ACHIEVER NATION – cause that’s what they really want. Let’s all do the bare minimum and this way there’s more for everybody… Are you kidding me???  We’re not eating chips from a bowl.  Read the rest of this entry »

Dark Pools… You Sure You Want to Do That?

I’m not one to talk shop but this dark pool thing has literally taken on a life of it’s own, and needs to be addressed….

Gamers (the high frequency programing pirates) have turned what was intended to be clean liquidity, into a predators playground  Think about it.  High Frequency Trading, which now accounts for and estimated 60 – 75% of the average daily volume, is essentially driven from running ahead of clean flow dark pools fed by algos. That can’t be healthy.

How do they get away with that..?  I’ll tell you how – it’s simple.  The more volume that trades though your electronic service provider’s  (dark pools and algos) pipes, the more money these providers make.  For algo and dark pool providers, high frequency traders are cash cows so naturally they allow them to creep in their shadows – some build their own pools around them.  They dress the millisecond gaming wolves in sheeps clothing and call them liquidity providers. 

Call me crazy but I have faith that the sales trader will once again be in vogue. You tell me… Would you rather trust somebody you’ve know for 10-20 years with your order to go find the other side or blast into the opportunist matrix where 2-3x the volume of what your trying to execute will trade ahead of you at superior pricing?

I mean if your going to try and replace me – at least don’t jam the clients.

-Dopey

Beware the Dinosaurs

We originally published the following post in 2009 and  it still remains one of my all time personal favorites.  Many people have tried to lay claim, rewrite and repost it on a variety of sites across the internet but it was Dopey Cowboy’s own  Six Gun who gets full credit. This repost goes out to the 99 percentile…

You are beginning to hear that “The Age of Wall Street” is over. Bankers and traders are already being compared to dinosaurs. Networks, papers and politicians are already predicting we’ll be extinct in the next decade. You can almost hear the joy in Keith Obermanns voice when he talks about how Joe Main Street is taking back America and evil corporate America is on its way out. I say be careful what you wish for, cause unlike the dinosaurs we are not going out without a fight.

Certainly things aren’t rosy on Wall Street. Our President accuses us of reckless behavior, Congress calls for oversight and salary caps, and commissions and compensation are down throughout our universe. If the socialist agenda gets its way we might very well be extinct and go the way of the dinosaur. Before the Discovery channel starts production of its “10 Possible Reasons Why” show, lets take a step back. My argument is that we are just doing what we were bred to do. We were trained from day one to “think outside the box” and have “breadth of vision” right? We were trained to come up with ways to make money for our firms and were rewarded for it. So when the regulators made that impossible in the equities market, we found different instruments to trade. Maybe we didn’t know the ins and outs of credit default swaps, the same way we knew what Intel’s capex number meant to the semi-cap equipment space, but there was a vig in it. Read the rest of this entry »

Sales Trader Soup – It’s What’s For Dinner

Say what you will about this industry, but one thing we don’t lack is character. Looney Tunes doesn’t hold a candle to us. In fact, you can bet your ass that if Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck sat around on Saturday mornings watching TV, our antics are the kind of shit they’d be watching.

I dedicate the following list of sales trader “types” to all the unfortunate clients who deal with us every day. I know what it’s like to sit amongst these animals here at the zoo but what I did was try to imagine how this army of misfits and delinquents must look to you.

Manischewitz – The really whiny Jew. I got no problem with these guys. In fact, the reality is since nobody else really knows how to deal with all the ear piercing whining, they usually cover their own kind. That’s not an insult or racial statement in any way (I even asked some of my Jewish friends). They’re just a close knit group that prefer to keep it that way. Read the rest of this entry »

Hey Dude… Don’t Bro Me!

 

Originally posted in 2009…

Every once in a while a Buysider reaches out to DopeyCowboy.com, speaks his mind and shares his belligerent thoughts with the trading community.  Here for your reading pleasureis the perspective of yet another disgruntled client offering some guidance for those young buck sales traders who are just starting out.

-Dopey

Hey Dude… Don’t Bro Me!

I’ve been trading on Wall Street for 20 years now and a  lot has changed over the years… but here’s a few tips for all you young, hipster, attention whore, facebook, twittering, designer jean wearing, metrosexual, newbie traders out there:

  1. Dude… Don’t Bro me … you only get one chance at making a good first impression and dude you just blew it …calling your new account Bro when you’ve never even fucking met him is a sure sign that you’re a douche bag.
  2. Ace… I have enough friends… I don’t give shit about the whore your banging, your crazy weekend in the Hamptons or your tranny lover… So don’t ask me how my weekend was and don’t ask me how my wife and kids are doing… You don’t give a flying fuck about mine and I certainly don’t give a shit about yours. I don’t care if your Read the rest of this entry »
Have You Met My Position Trader?

As sales traders we spend our entire careers getting to know our clients. We learn what makes them tick and what to avoid.  We learn to speak bi-polar and deal with their many eccentricities. Sometimes working relationships take months, even years to develop – sometimes they never happen at all- and this is why our relationships are so valuable.  Some clients are family men, like to talk stocks and show pictures of their kids playing in the pumpkin patch.  Then there’s the other end of the spectrum – these guys think Thursday nights were created just so that brokers could throw them bachelor parties every week. Those are the kind of clients, who after a few cocktails, forget they even have kids and keep a fresh pair of boxers in their glove compartment.  Whatever they do, you do your best to relate.

The other thing you do, once you figure out what your client is all about, is paint a picture in his or her mind about what your shop and trading room looks like.   If he’s a serious guy then you lead him to believe that everyone in your shop is very serious too. There’s no need to mention the banana peels on the trading room floor.  Instead give the impression that most of your traders have their CFA’s and are master technicians.  If he’s just a dumb jock handing out orders to every meathead who recaps last night’s game, then lead him to believe you work in a locker room with He-Man Women Hater’s Club.  It’s your job to make them feel at home when they comes in to trade. Read the rest of this entry »

Trading Room or Three Ring Circus?

The forty hour work week may be considered the benchmark in American work culture, but it’s nothing more than a fairy tale for those of us caught up in the “you’re only as good as your last trade” world of equity trading. I’ve been a sales trader for 15 years and like most of us, the majority of my waking hours are spent in the trading room. I have worked for wholesalers, bulge bracket, boutique firms and no matter where you go… all sell side trading rooms are exactly the same. If you work in a trading room, you work in one seriously fucked up environment. It’s like Romper Room, a college road trip, the Twilight Zone and Alcoholics Anonymous all rolled up into one.

People don’t get it unless they’ve been exposed to it’s mutating radiation. Outsiders could never get a true feel for trading room life unless they’ve actually worked on a desk for at least 6 months and had their livelihood depend on the desk’s production. Once the initial “Wow I work on trading desk” cloud begins to lift, you soon Read the rest of this entry »

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