I just had that talk. You know the talk. The talk you have with the people who sit around you before you head out for what’s shaping up to be a wild night. It’s sort of like checking the batteries in your smoke detectors in case of an emergency, but only your preventing another type of disaster and it goes something like this, “If anything should happen to me tonight or any other night… whether I get hit by a bus or die from a heart attack in some hotel room… Throw everything in my desk drawer in the trash. DO NOT under any circumstances package up the contents of this draw and send them to my family or you will cause some serious long-term emotional damage.”
Top 20 Thing’s Found in a Trader’s Drawer:
- Loose change.
- 160 Count giant size Tums Ultra jug with only six Tums left rattling around at the bottom.
- Untouched Multivitamins.
- Bat Phone
- Deodorant
- Business cards of people you were going to do a million bucks with after having the best dinner ever whom you never heard from again.
- Your own full box of business cards… because you never remember to take them with you.
- Balled up perfumed dress shirt.
- Crumpled ties.
- Employee handbook (never looked at).
- Golf outing bag towel from Atlantic City Traders.
- Eighty-seven packets of soy sauce.
- Empty bottle of pasty Pepto Bismol.
- Shaving cream with no razor.
- Cholula hot sauce with the crusted top (Opened last 2006)
- A picture of your foursome from the Philly Traders Outing (2 of which are dead).
- Plane ticket to Toronto from Eastern Airlines.
- Enough ‘just incase’ Viagra to straighten out the Tower of Pisa.
- One napkin with a phone number that you’ve had for years just waiting for the day that you remember who it belongs to. You can’t remember but you can’t throw it away either because you know its a good one.
- Generic ibuprofen that never runs out. I will never understand, how traders who consistently spend thousands of dollars on dinner and designer suits have made generic ibuprofen and Duane Reade aspirin the industry standard. Give me the ’88 Dom, put another bottle on ice but then tomorrow morning I’ll get the $2.30 bottle of generic aspirin.
