I haven’t played much this year but recently attended my first golf outing of the season. I love going to these things. I wear my usual golf get-up, the khaki shorts, a non-descript shirt and look forward to some quality away from the office me time. Now when I look around it’s a completely par for the course different story and realize I’m stuck in the middle of an FIT detention hall. I mean really, pink seersucker shorts? Pink? Come on guy.
And listen to me you preppy fuckers… Unless you’re a child between the ages of one hour and three years old, you should never wear clothing with animals on them. Ever. I don’t care about the two failed floor clerks who have managed to convince the Wall Street Westchester division that it’s cool to wear cutsy sea creatures on your belt… I assure you it’s not. You look ridiculous with little lobsters on your shorts and for Christ’s sake, take those sunglasses off the back of your neck. What the fuck is that look all about anyway? You have a fat neck. You’re not hiding it, you’re drawing attention to it.
Let’s not forget the best part – the live auction. Nothing better than watching two jerk-offs with super inflated egos do battle over and end up paying six-thousand dollars for a mountain bike you could find in any Walmart for a hundred and twenty-five bucks. Get over yourself. If you really cared you’d cut a check for $5k at the get go – but since lobster pants wearing Chip Smithers (the fourth) and his whale belt is bidding against you, you feel it’s your duty to win.
And oh yeah – one more thing… If you’re having an outing or dragging somebody along to one and you know there’s not going to be any alcohol on the course… please, let me know that ahead of time. That is a deal breaker.
Look forward to seeing you on the charity circuit,
– Duke
