Well, just when I thought that Squirt was incapable of raising his bar of douchness to new levels he not only does it but once again clears it effortlessly. This is his new car and according to him it’s the fastest car on the planet earth. He says this as if there are other planets that might have a car as fast, but not here, not on the one I unfortunately inhabit with him.
This does not come as a shock to me though as everything he has and does is better than anyone else’s possessions or accomplishments. If you mention that you had dinner at Nino’s, he ate at Rao’s on the arm, is best friends with the owner’s nephew, and can get a table whenever he wants. If you your grandfather fought in WW II, his died in battle on his 3rd tour after receiving 2 purple hearts and registering 86 kills ….42 with his bare hands.
He is a “one upper” and we all know that is the tell tale sign of someone riddled with insecurity. His need for acceptance is so great that he actually believes the lies spewed but there is one problem that he fails to recognize. He is so dumb that he gets entangled in these webs of deceit he spins. He thinks he’s the spider but morphs into an entrapped fly once the lie is finished being told.
He told me once that he was a scratch golfer. There are people who snap out of 20 year coma’s who could within 12 seconds of regaining consciousness hit the ball better than him. He swung and missed 3 times on the first tee at an outing I was lucky enough to witness. I screamed “YER OUT!” like a home plate ump. He hates me and I find enjoyment in that.
I need to do something to the car. It is so douche. I wish you could see the flaming black and gold dice hanging from the rear view mirror. Maybe it needs a nice rainbow bumper sticker signifying how gay he and his car both are. If anyone can “one up” that idea, I’m open for suggestions.
Gambler
