The Fed That Stole Christmas
by Dopey
Every Who’s Who from Wall Street Liked Christmas a lot…Barney Frank, Who lived just North of Wall Street, Did NOT!
Mr. Frank ruined Wall Street, the whole Bonus season!
Why do we ask why? We all know the reason.
It could be risky loans weren’t sitting quite right.
It could be, perhaps, credit was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason for the fall,
May have been Mr. Frank’s blatant Fannie Mae lies to us all.
But, whatever the reason, Subprime or Congress’ missteps,
Investors sold everything, hating Registered Reps. Staring down from Capital Hill with a sour Frank frown,
Barney soon forgets that it were his decisions that took us down.
For he knew every broker on the Stock Exchange floor,
Was busy now, hanging For Sale signs on their front door.
“And they’re hanging their brokers”, he snarled with a sneer,
And as for investing, nothing’s left but fear. Then he growled, with his federal fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find a way to disguise all my blundering!”
For, tomorrow, he knew, All the Investors and PM’s,
Would open their statements and reach for the Xanax!
And then! Oh, the panic! Oh, the Panic! Panic! Panic! Panic!
Fear had replaced Greed! The PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! PANIC!
Then investors, young and old, would pick up the phone to sell.
And they’d sell! And they’d sell!
And they’d SELL! SELL! SELL! SELL! Every reporter on TV, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with the stock market crashing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. They began Wall Street bashing.
After the collapse of Fannie, Lehman and Bear,
Feds finally realized, it was about time they care.
For way too long we’ve put up with it now!
“We MUST stop the economy from crumbling – but HOW?” Then they got an idea! An awful idea!
THE FED GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!”, The Feds turned on their press,
And printed $700B to get us out of this mess.
And congress chuckled, and clucked, “What a great bad idea!”
Just what Morgan and Goldman needed to hear.
They’d print! And they’d print!
AND they’d PRINT! PRINT! PRINT! PRINT! Without money or credit the consumer was weighed.
In a world without savings, retail would fade
With no cards to charge, forced to bargain instead,
Shoppers all fled to Wal-Mart where they trampled’em dead. THEN fueled with bad debt and dicey Mortgage Backs,
On a ramshackle sleigh, they lynched up Bernaks.
And the equity markets death spiraled down,
Toward the homes where the Who’s Who abuse booze in their town.
Children were crying, Family pets getting kicked,
And the Who’s Who all feeling like their pockets were picked. They gave up on the markets, employment and retirement funds.
It’s time to load up on gold coins, canned goods and guns! It was quarter past dawn… All the Who’s Whos still resting,
All the Who’s Whos still a-snooze, their worthless stock’s vesting. Spend and Lever, we’ve learned, is a system that’s twisted,
For Automaker’s survival they must be assisted
They too need bailout to manage their debt,
Maintenance can be costly on those big private jets.
$15 Billion’s being considered to avoid a collapse.
In six months, all cars will be bought from the Japs. And they puzzled for hours, ‘till their puzzler was sore…
Then the fed formed a plan, “We’ll just print up some more!”
They’d print more. And they’d print more!
And they’d print MORE! MORE! MORE! MORE! What happened next should be no surprise.
Every Who’s Who on Wall Street, the tall and the small,
Couldn’t find work! They had no talents at all!
They HADN’T stopped Recession from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
It came with no jobs! It came without pay!
Hundreds and thousands of jobs went away. “Maybe stability”, he thought, “doesn’t come from a press.”
“Maybe the dollar… perhaps… could end up worth less”
And what happened then?
Well on Wall Street they tear,
Our national debt grew three sizes that year. The economy was shrinking fast in a once great nation,
While the Who’s Who prepared for massive inflation.
As broke corporations lined up for the 11th chapter,
The Fed, they themselves… flushed us down the crapper. To a Happier New Year, Dopey
