Is it really necessary to send a Bloomberg, an IM, an email and to call? Just because we don’t respond doesn’t mean we don’t see you. In dating as in trading, no response should serve as a direct message. Sure we might call later and go ballistic because of something we missed, but by now don’t we all know how this game works? I am pretty sure there hasn’t been one new hire on Wall Street since 2007 so if you still have a seat and you don’t get it by 2009 you should consider another profession.
Why is it brokers tell you how much stock you have done but then don’t provide an average price? Our whole lives are predicated on pricing so to tell the amount only makes no sense. As much fun as it is for us to guess our price, feel free to just toss it in there.
What gives with people providing oddly fractional averages. For example say I am buying 200k XYZ instead of a report on 150k they send 148137@ xyz price. I mean you can’t wait 2 minutes? I guess it is anal on my part but seems like common sense to me. Maybe it is their signature move to stand out.
When trading options against capital I am always astonished people want to know what we are thinking…do they expect me to say, “we are thinking this is a sure fire loser and since we like your human calculator vol guru we have decided to put on a definite loser to make his day”. Wake up in all likelihood our research will run over your stat models so either put it up or don’t. We are in business to make money and so are you and don’t feed me some bullshit line about our long term relationship. One or both of us will be gone within a few months. And we don’t want to hear you got hurt either because when and if we relay that we have to endure a 10 minute dissertation on how evil the brokers are.
I love when I go out to a multifirm event and brokers I can’t trade with try to shove booze and food down my throat. When I decline they get all wounded then when I partake since we are “friends” they expect flow. As a buysider you basically have to be like a battered woman and just yell NO to the offending broker. If you do this you are a dick, if you don’t you are a scummy freeloader.
On a similar note, the worst is when a sellsider, whom you do no business with, relentlessly comes at you to go out. Then you say you aren’t comfortable going out since their research is not of any use to your firm and while you would love to pay commissions at random your entire commission oversight committee will take off your ballsack with a rusty cleaver. They then proceed to pull the guilt trip saying you are “friends” and can grab a beer. If you agree they revert to the previous paragraph and expect flow. You wind up either a dick or a scummy freeloader. I often wonder if there is a sellside code to use guilt to get flow or if they really think that persistent determination will make us cave. I have certainly met some in the biz who probably have some restraining orders filed against them somewhere. But really keep coming at us, our continued inability to make it is just circumstantial.
Sellside management loves to try the old switch em up move to facilitate flow. Generally buysiders will ask for new coverage if the current guy sucks, if we aren’t paying but aren’t complaining it probably has to do with research and the inability to pay vs new coverage.
My favorite are the sellersiders who have thrown caution to the wind and just don’t care anymore. He plays the joe cool act trying to play it off like he doesn’t give a shit and his apathy makes you guys relate because the entire buyside is largely miserable. Then when he puts your order on autopilot and the stock moves $3 on air and you get a little huffy he acts like you are some colossal dickface for caring and having betrayed the friend’s apathy code.
To all of the bloomberg blast mongers and “hot” flow callers DO NOT I repeat DO NOT call or send a bright red hot headline as it comes across. If we can’t see that come over from our multiple monitors in hot red vs the yellow and black background we shouldn’t be doing this.
To those of you looking to venture into the 90% payout business, please don’t ask if we connect on flow if it matters, it doesn’t. Since the floor ceased to exist connecting on flow has basically ceased to exist. And even if you do have a big seller or buyer, in this marketplace no one in their right mind is going to take down a sizable chunk with the daily 5% reversals.
Regarding money making ideas, we understand you feel you should get paid for your hot idea (ex. XYZ is under-owned and the space is hot, yada yada). You probably should, but here in lies the problem: 1. We can’t even get our own ideas in why help you 2. Do you really think some flow based idea is gonna get enough play in our book to get you paid vs all the Ivy leaguers working round the clock? We, the traders, are state school types and are obviously inferior to the various braintrusts.
Anyway, maybe this will serve to alleviate some buysider frustration. I am sure I am not alone. Keep up the good work.
-Town Drunk
