Since gaining weight is a pastime of mine, I’ve have had a membership in my hometown gym where I’ve worked out (biweekly) for about 8 years now. I figure that I probably pay somewhere close to $42 a visit but refuse to cancel my membership.
I keep telling myself I’m going to get serious and make an effort to get there more often. Needless to say, when summer closes in, I’m usually pushing maximum capacity and look like the Michelin Man down at the shore (this year will be no different).
I believe part of my problem is the gym I work out in. Where I used to live – the gym was always packed with off the charts hot girls at all time. I’m talking smoking hot 8-10’s all around. It really makes you want to go to the gym and spend some time there. Where I live now it’s a little different. The typical female member is about 5′4 and weighs in at 142lbs. Why they choose to work it out in extremely tight clothes is beyond me. Some even have the audacity to wear half shirts. Apparently, Baby Gap has a overweight suburban mother workout division. Nobody wants to see your offensive muffin tops bulging out of your 80’s spandex. Someone should really tell these hags to give up, cause whatever they’re doing – ain’t working.
Once in a blue moon you actually see some nice eye candy. That’s when the fun starts. I love seeing how the other guys in the gym react. It’s like a scene out of Animal Planet. All of a sudden they’re standing taller, throwing a little more weight on and the grunting level rises. Never really understood the whole grunting thing. I find nothing funnier than seeing one massive dude in girl shorts straddled over some other guy’s face while he’s trying to bench press. And the with sweat dripping from his ball sack dangling over his “partners” nose, he’s shouting, “push a little harder” and “you’re almost there”. Close your eyes and that’s probably what gay porno sounds like.
Now let’s address the dude who clearly has no business attempting to lift the amount of weight he’s struggling to get off his chest. Jerk off – you weigh 140 and you’re trying to press 285 lbs. It ain’t happening. And for Gods sake why won’t these big guys wear shirts that fit them. Look we get it, you’re big and all but do you really need to wear a tank top that only makes it down to your god damn belly button. Come on man – cover that shit up. Of course my opinions will all change as soon as I am able to bench 135 lbs (2 measly plates) again. Until that time comes I will be on the nautilus machines because to throw anything less than 45’s on that bar is just plain embarrassing.
Embracing my fatness,
Duke
