Twitter, Twitter , Twitter. There are two types of people in this world – Those who Twitter… and those who ask what Twittering is. If you don’t believe me, pull up Google and just type the word ‘what’ and Google will fill in the rest…’what is twitter’ – because that is the most popular search on the Internet an the most pressing issue facing today’s generation… Not ‘what’s going on in Iran’ or ‘what’s Obama nationalizing today’… It’s all about Twitter. Only Twitter matters.
I thinks it’s because I run this blog, but for whatever reason friends, family, coworkers and readers want to know if I Twitter. Fuck no. I don’t display my profile on Myspace or Facebook for the entire demented cyber-world to see and I definitely don’t Twitter.. Yeah that’s just what I want, some creepy, masturbating, serial killer, stalker, scam artist jerking off into a tube sock while he’s looking a pictures of my last fishing trip. Fuck that (but you go right ahead). For those of you who can’t figure out what Twittering means it’s no wonder because that would imply you’re just too lazy to Google (or Bing) it. Who sits and wonders about answers to questions anymore? Just Google it.
Twitter: Twitter is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that enables its users to send and read each others’ updates, known as tweets. Tweets are text-based posts of up to 140 characters, displayed on the author’s profile page and delivered to other users – known as followers – who have subscribed to them. Senders can restrict delivery to those in their circle of friends or, by default, allow open access. Users can send and receive tweets via the Twitter website, Short Message Service (SMS) or external applications. The service is free over the Internet, but using SMS may incur phone service provider fees. – Wikipedia
Monday I had drinks with a new client. Who has drinks on a Monday night? Going in I realized that either: A) I’m on this guy’s B-list and he was simply getting me out of the way… or B) he’s just a raging alcoholic who’s out every night of the week. After watching him pound 6 beers in one hour, it’s safe to assume the later. You have to respect that. The man’s a professional.
The guy was solid. He originally came from my side of the business which always makes it easier. He’s been in my shoes before and he gets it. After a half hour of playing tell me about your yourself and in addition to the booze, I realized my seemingly normal new client had another addiction – his Blackberry. I thought perhaps he was waiting for an email from his boss, but as it turns out he was twittering the whole time. I was intrigued. So I asked – “How exactly does that work?” He was very enthusiastic about the whole Twitter process and told me all about all the celebrities he was tracking and what they were up to. He is convinced that that President Obama, Britney Spears, Lance Armstrong and Snoop Dog are actually texting hour-by-hour updates in to their iPhones so that all of their ‘followers’ can see what they’re doing to and be part of their lives. Why wouldn’t Ozzy Osbourne want you to know he was third in line at Starbucks getting ready to order his 6 shot venti soy white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel? Give me a break. I tried suggesting the possibility that maybe, just maybe, press agents handled this kinda thing (except for Obama of course) and that maybe it wasn’t actually the celebrities themselves typing this shit in into their cell phones. He looked at me like I was stupid. Sorry didn’t mean to shatter your twitter delusions.
I don’t get it. But then again, I’m not the type to read People Magazine or the Enquirer. Ninety percent of that is all bullshit too – but yet millions of star struck people read them. Twitter, if you believe, is like your own little private handheld paparazzi.
Now that I understood what he was reading… I wanted to know what he had been typing??? I had to ask right? He didn’t want to show me. I was confused. He was willing to open his life to every tool on the internet, but wouldn’t let me see his last post. Finally and reluctantly he showed me his most recent ‘tweet’, “HAVING DRINKS WITH A BROKER”. Boy did I feel special. What the fuck. Who are you Paris Hilton? The million dollar question is what kind of doofus ‘tracks’ this guy? Is there really some dude at some formal business dinner right now leaning in to his associate and whispering, “Psssst… Hey Joe, You’re not going to believe this… but I just received a Twitter update … and Bob is having drinks… with a broker!”
I guess what I’m trying to say and the short answer to your question is NO – I don’t twitter. In a world filled with Identity theft, scam artists and Internet predators, I prefer to keep what little privacy I have private.
Twitter This,
Dopey
