A few years back I was fortunate enough to sit beside one the greatest sales traders of all time. It’s not like he did tons of business, but this guy had the game figured out. For names sake, let’s call him Jack.
One of the most difficult things to manage in this business is your personal life. I’m not saying we live our lives like rock stars, but when you take a good look at the rest of the world – you probably won’t find too many school teachers, accountants or construction workers out ’til 2am in the morning 2 -3 times a week (especially on work nights). And how much does the wifey love it when you take the weekend (her time) to sleep off your drunken stooper and attempt to regain some functionality.
One of the best pieces of advice I have ever been given was presented to me one Thursday night at Smith & Wollensky’s over some cocktails.I was relatively new to the industry and was getting tired of all the tension that my late nights were creating for me on the home front. I had no problem with the all the late nights, the high-end restaurants, the underground clubs , the $23 martini or my alleged drinking problem. What I didn’t like was sneaking into my own home, ditching my perfumed clothes and trying to pick every tiny little piece of glitter off my face before slithering into bed. It seemed that no matter how cautious I was – She was right there in my grill….”Where were you?”… “Who were you with?” …” Why didn’t you answer your phone when i called?”.…blah blah fuck’n blah!
Jack’s advice, which I’ll still use on those rare occasions (kinda like the emergency $20 you’ve got folded up in your wallet) , was that after the car service drops you off at home and you stumble up the driveway and to the front door you need to get into character. For me, this is typically when the music would come to an abrupt stop. Now is when I would normally begin to sweat, start thinking up all kinds of ridiculous excuses about how I had forgotten my promise to come straight home for dinner with her parents that night.
So here we go… What Jack taught me was to slide the key into the knob quietly as humanly possible, without making a sound, turn the knob and open the door just a hair. Here comes the most important part… You want to put on your best drunk face (you gotta look smashed) and with one swift kick, you need to kick the front door open so hard that it bounces of the wall. Who gives a shit about the wall – it’s just sheet rock. Now, at at the top of your lungs you need to yell up the stairs “Who wants to get laid tonight?!!!!!” Then you need to do your best to sound as if you’ve just fallen up the stairs. Trust me gentlemen, by the time you get to the bedroom – your wife will be curled like a little church mouse tucked up in her little corner of the bed.
Regards,
Dopey
