On a recent trip to the cafeteria I realized that Corporate America (or at least my firm) can be divided into two groups… trading desk personnel… and cubicle people. Upon entering the cafeteria, trading desk people have one mission and that’s to find some type of nourishment in the least amount of time possible. Cube people meet up with at least two other cubes and saunter into the cafeteria stopping every so often in order to finish thier sentences. Apparently cube people can’t walk and talk at the same time . Then they need to evaluate every single food item before discussing amongst themselves for several minutes as to what they should get.
Desk people simply grab whatever pre-made sandwich happens to be available regardless of personal preference. Cubes prefer to order any items reminiscent of When Harry Met Sally’s cute little Meg Ryan had multiple stipulations as to the way her sandwich should be made. It’s about this time when desk people begin to twitch and want to shove a fucking sandwich into the cubes mouth and send them on their way.
Cubes have the audacity to request soup samples in those ridiculous little plastic shot glasses before deciding to shell out the whopping $1.50 and get the whole cup. What kind of people are these? This isn’t fucking Saturday morning at Costco – this is a place of business.
Desk people take their lunch in Styrofoam containers and grab plastic forks on the way back to the trading desk. Cubes on the other hand, sit down with their little cube buddy’s and dine at nice table with real silverware and discuss last night’s episode of Dancing With The Stars, who’s twittering who and who’s kids are networking on Club Penguin.
Cubes pay attention! Here’s how it goes: Get on line, order your food and then you get the fuck out of the way. It’s a simple concept. This way the people who actually make money for the firm can get back to work.
-The Duke
