The following is some advice from an angry client (who has clearly reached his tipping point) to sales traders everywhere. The advice comes in the form of a never actually sent reply to a “just checking in” email from a slipshod sales trader. Instead of replying directly to the sales trader, the crusty custy sent his reply here to Dopey Cowboy where it would have further reach and possibly do some good for the trading community:
First of all, don’t EVER call me “bud,” ESPECIALLY in the subject line of a f**king email. Nice tone you set with that move. I was annoyed before I even opened the message because…jeez…ummm…well, for starters, how about the fact that WE’RE NOT “BUDS”?! In fact, we’ve NEVER EVEN F**KING MET, you scumbag. And wait, there’s more…not only are we not friends who have never even met, I actually have no idea what your role is because, as far as I know, we have new coverage at your shop. So again, your choice of the word “bud” is just asinine. Well played, sir.
Second, it is so painfully obvious that EVERY sales trader and research sales guy is “making-the-end-of-Q3-rounds-and-checking-in-on-accounts-that-have-lagged-to-see-if-my-commission-year-can-be-salvaged-in-Q4-somehow.” So maybe try a different approach, because this one makes you so ordinary and so average that it’s pathetic.
Third, please spare me the bullsh*t line “just touching base.” In fact, here’s a list of other clichés you might want to avoid: “just checking in”… “circling back around”…”seeing how I can help”…AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: “just wanted to let you know what we’ve been doing over here.” Really? Like curing cancer? Balancing the national deficit? Wow – sounds like things I need to hear about – I had no idea!! Let me call you immediately!!!! Yeah right…give me a f**king break, and stop insulting my intelligence.
Finally, just to prove I am not a complete d*ck, I can and have been approached this way by guys I have actually known for ten years or guys in this biz that I respect. It’s usually an actual phone call, and it’s usually prefaced with “hey, I’ve known you a long time, you’ve been under the radar lately, things OK?” rather than your bozo-cut-and-paste-approach-that-you-sent-to-every-account-you-cover. And it’s usually at some other time in the Q when all the other lemmings are focused elsewhere. In other words, it’s f**king GENUINE, you d-bag.
Thanks for playing. Hope you get hit by a bus.
Another Crusty Custy
