Since I am not exactly trader to the stars these days, I decided to block out some time and start thinking about a career backup plan – so I starting making a list of skills and talents…. Unfortunately and after only 5 minutes of honest self evaluation – here’s what I came up with:
- Wiffle ball
- Darts (American Widdy Board not English)
- Drinking games
- In depth useless sports knowledge
- Movie quotations
- and the ability to fluctuate between skinny and too fat without ever passing through a “looking good” phase.
It then I realized that unless Mike Francesa was looking for new partner who has trouble with the English language or the porn industry is looking for the next Mr Six-inches, I am in a lot of trouble.
This moment of clarity inspired me to reinvest in my current job and double my efforts to salvage my once promising Wall Street career. There’s only one slight problem – What the fuck do sales traders do? I mean don’t get me wrong, I understand blocking and tackling, but how do you sharpen skills in a world where skills aren’t needed or appreciated or even noticed?
I was a position trader for 10 years and didn’t cover accounts (nor did I really care about them). When I was trading I could grade myself on my profit, loss, ability to manage risk, landing larger orders and finding the other side without crippling the firm on the first print. Then I got to gloat in Autex at the end of the day how I was number one in the stock. Then – ironically (and sadly) at the same time best-ex became a top priority (when my talents should matter most), agency took the main stage and the need for real trading skill left forever. So, I did what everyone else did – I became a sales trader… Whatever that means.
To go along with my new vigor for work and a panic to make a living, I decided to start my sales trading day at 7 am sharp. After ten minutes of reading Drudge and confirming how Obama still sucks I realized that only one of my accounts were even in yet. In fact, the only people logged in on my buddy list was a two analysts and a handful of other sell side whores. After scanning ESPN and reading through my firms “new and d
ifferentiating” research, a question dawned on me, “What could I even possibly do to make myself the best sales trader on wall street?’ I mean… I can entertain with the best of them. Sporting events, Mikes, Head Quarters, VIPSs… Not only is Sara, the hostess from VIP, in my cell phone – she knows more about me than anyone in my family.
Seriously – What legal piece of earth shattering information am I going to give my account that they don’t already know? I can’t even see who is hitting me in selectnet, no one knows where all the bodies lie unless they are part of a social network that doesn’t accept guys who names ending in vowels.
I miss the orders that stand out like a hooker at church. Instead we have, “Over The Day, Percentage of volume, TWAP, VWAP, Guinny Wap”, its all the same shit. Everyone wants to be the Average. How can you be the man in that? I’m the best average trader in the history of Wall Street? It’s friggin’ hopeless. There are some guys who I work my ass for and are cool enough to give me some chunky stuff cause they are stand up guys (or trying to pay my firm). Even then I feel like the runt on the little league team who has to bat only because everyone has to play. Buy 250k letter C, Sell 100k BAC. it’s like “Your a good dude, but lets keep the training wheels on for a while because I’m keeping this under the radar”.
Who knows maybe this is what the end feels like. I mean I remember being a 21 year old hot shot trader, trading stocks at a huge firm having $500k swings and looking at the 40 year old guys on the desk like they were dinosaurs. I’m approaching 40 and you know what the difference is? The difference is they’re all retired playing golf and living in million dollar homes and I’ve become no better off than Schneider from One Day at a Time.
-Six Gun
