Every once in a while I come across a story that reminds me of how much I hate the Human Race. That happened to me yesterday when I read the story of Target, the dog who was an Afghan war hero. My anger over this story really started to hit me around 10pm Tuesday night after a few Johnny Walker Blacks and a Percocet. I thought I was alone in this state of rage until Aces text’d me that he was just as angry. I believe his quote was, “I can’t sleep because I want to go to Arizona and punch that shelter bitch Ruth Stalter in her fat neck”. (This was all around the same time Dopey was talking to CNBC commentators). My shrink tells me that I need to get this anger out before I end up like Charlie Sheen, so let’s begin with the hit list.
Subject at Hand: Target was a mutt, a tawny mixed-shepherd, that saved the lives of 50 U.S soldiers from a female suicide bomber in Afghanistan and then managed to survive after being shot by Taliban. This hero, who was even featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show, was taken to an Arizona Animal Shelter this weekend and euthanized by mistake.
Sergeant Terry Young – Normally I never have anything bad to say about U.S Military members, however this guy is a douche. He had no problem dragging this dog to do fat Oprah, but he didn’t have time to get the dog a fucking collar or a microchip. What a dick. Then the dog goes missing and he sits at home checking websites if the dog was found. In the immortal words of Billy Madison “You got a pet, you got a responsibility! You can’t just look for an hour and call it quits. So you get your ass out there and you find that fuckin’ dog!”
Then there is this dandy of a quote from the AP story. He assumed that the shelter would be shut for the weekend – in fact, he could have picked up Target the next morning – but, as he told the Arizona Republic newspaper, he thought: “She’s in the pound, at least she’s safe.” Are you friggin kidding me. You assumed? Would you assume that pecker was ok after a getting bit by a hooker giving a bad blow job, or would you snap her head back and check it out personally.
Sergeant Terry Young, who adopted the dog in Afghanistan, said that his wife and three children were distraught. “The four-year-old is really taking it hard right now,” he said. “She’s saying we need to get the poison out of her so she can come home. She can’t grasp the idea that she’s gone.”
You let down your family Terry, you let down country, most importantly you let down Target.
Oprah Winfrey – This bitch has enough time and money to solve all the world’s problems. She dragged this dog out there and drummed up huge ratings for her fat ass. Everyone shed a few tears….YEA!!….Kill yourself. Keep sending a bunch of lazy housewives to Australia, and ruin countless lives with Dr Phil. While this war hero is spending the weekend in a 4 by 2 cage in a shelter.
Oprah should be ashamed!
The Pinal County Pound – I want names and I want them now. They just passed Bin Laden on my most wanted list. If you people have any integrity pass around the Jim Jones kool aid and end it before Aces gets down there. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. I hope you all die a horrible death.
Target – I don’t have the words. You did well Target….You did good girl.
-Six Gun
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message She is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
She was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
