Whether you’re sending the new guy looking for a box of up-ticks or administering the old fake drug test where you hand the guy a clear plastic cup, ask him to fill it with urine and leave it on the boss’s desk for “testing”, messing with the new guy is part of the job. It’s healthy for everybody. You’re teaching the kid to think, not be so trusting and to treat everyone suspect. Welcome to Wall Street. And on the flip side it’s just fun to screw with the new guys.
After months and months of interviewing the boss finally decided to give this kid a chance. His name is Justin, he’s in his mid 20’s, stands 6’7″, weighs 250 pounds and is an eager beaver who doesn’t have a mean bone in his Gigantor body.
It was 4:20 last Thursday and a handful of us were going out for pre-drinking drinks. I stopped by Justin’s desk and suggested he come along. Initially he respectfully declined and explained how the sales trader he has been stationed with was out that day and that he felt obligated to stay at his post until at least five. “Five O’clock!”, I exclaimed. “Honestly Justin, you’ve been here for three days. You wouldn’t even know what to say if the phone rang. Get your coat and let’s go.” Again Justin politely declined as he thought it was in his best interest to stay put. “Fine” I said, “You sit here and do nothing. But if you don’t think it’s important to get out there, network and maybe get to know some of the people you work with – then good luck making it in this business.” (I’m such a dick).
That’s all it took. Within two minutes he had his coat on and we were all in the elevator on the way to the bar. While Justin drank with the desk I fired off a stealth text to Johnny Jumbo. Jumbo is the sales trader (and friend of mine) who was out that day that Justin is assigned to work with and learn from. Turns out Jumbo missed work that day because he was attending a funeral. Perfect. I explained the situation and here’s the email Justin opened on his Blackberry just ten minutes after I texted Jumbo.
Justin-
Called at 4:45 looking for some help with a problem – no answer. So I guess I will have to start coming in after funerals now to answer my phone. Ill see you in the morning. Battery dead here.
-Johnny Jumbo
I certainly wasn’t in yet but was told that Justin was at his desk by 5AM the following morning. I love it.
Stay tuned for more New Guy Chronicles,
Dopey
