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29 comments on Trading Silence
Trading Silence
29 responses to “Trading Silence”
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hilarious but so sad…u guys have way too much free time on youir hands.
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A long, long time ago…
Folks can still remember
How Obama used to make them smile.
And they hoped that if he had the chance
That he could make those symbols dance
And, maybe, we’d be happy for awhileBut each day Barry makes me shiver
With every speech that he delivers
The same politician capers
Congress, still filled with rapersI don’t know if I should laugh or cry
When I read of each pathetic try
But something makes me sick inside
Each time, Obummer liesSo bye-bye, to America guys
Drove my clunker to the dealer
But TARP money was dry
And Ben and the Fed were blowin’ prices sky high
Singin’, “this’ll be the day the spoos fly”
“this’ll be the day the spoos fly.” -
This is funny! I have got to show the fellas!
Here’s another funny one for the fellas on your desk:
A woman walks into the doctor’s office with a huge boil on her ass.
The doctor squeezes it, pushes it, and then looks at the hard white pus core.
He says: ‘This is too big a job for me. I’m going to have to send you to Gus the pus sucker.
The woman goes to Gus who looks at the bulging red, inflamed boil festering with pus and says ‘this is no problem,’ and he proceeds to press his lips to her ass and suck out the pus and core of the boil.
Halfway through, the woman farts.
Gus stops what he’s doing and angrily says:
‘You know lady, its people like you that make this job fucking disgusting.’
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Thats called, pry-a-pus. Well done Fella
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sick montage. REALLY gets ya where ya live.
does anyone wanna meet at Del Frisco’s?
Forward…DRINK!! -
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a
field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would
go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was
waiting outside the men’s room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them
could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting
the little boys up one by one, holding on to their ‘wee-wees’ to direct the flow away
from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.
Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, ‘You must be in the 5th grade.’
‘No, ma’am’, he replied. ‘I’m riding Veoli in the seventh race, but I
appreciate your help.’
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hahahahahahahahaha… Brad, a local beachgoer, couldn’t even get a second look from any of the girls on the beach. So he headed over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard had any advice for him.
“Dude, it’s obvious,” said the lifeguard. “You’re wearing those gnarly old swimming trunks that make you look like an old geezer. They’re years outta style. Your best bet is to get yourself a Speedo—say, two sizes too small—and drop a potato inside it. You’ll have all the babes you can handle.”
The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his brand-spanking-new tight Speedo and his potato, and it’s not long before he approaches the lifeguard tower once more.
“For cryin’ out loud,” said Brad, “it’s worse than before! Everyone on the beach acts disgusted as I walk by—covering their faces, turning away, laughing! What’s wrong now?”
“Jeez, Brad!” said the lifeguard, “The potato goes in front!”
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That’s a good one, Elvis. I will have to tell it to the fellas on the desk.
Here’s a new one that we all keep cracking up over. Just don’t eat any time soon after reading this!
An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class:
‘There are two things you need to succeed in medical forensics.
First, you must have no fear.’ Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse’s anus and licked it.
‘Now you must do the same,’ he told the class.
After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.
‘Second,’ the professor continued, ‘You must have an acute sense of observation.
For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this corpse’s anus, but licked my index finger?’
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A young man moved from his parents’ home into a new home unit of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing
else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, ‘Let’s go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.’
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, ‘What would you say is my best feature?’
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, ‘It’s got to be your ears.’
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, ‘My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin – no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?’Clearing his throat, he stammered ….
‘Outside, when you said you heard someone coming… that was me…’ -
I like this one, Priapus. How about this one? The fellas on the desk always crack up over this one:
I went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female doctor, drop dead gorgeous.
I was embarrassed but she said ‘Don’t worry, I’m a professional, I’ve seen it all before, just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you in any way I can’
I said: ‘I think my cock tastes funny.’
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al, you think the “fellas” actully buy into your bs? thats twice you either posted the same joke or lifted it from some oen else’s post on this site. but whose counting?
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Elvis, you are correct, lifted from one Priapus.
So, Al walks into a who’ house and says to the madam, “i want the funest hottest girl ya got”. The madam says, before i can turn you over to that one i need ro see your equipment to see if you measure up. So Al baby drps his pants and displays the smallest unit the madam has ever seen. The madam, after rolling on the ground laughing looks up and asks, “WHO are you gonna please with THAT?”
“me” says Al.
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I did make a mistake reposting MY OWN joke. Yes, I had already posted the same joke, but it was the funniest one that the fellas on the desk all enjoy. In fact, every time I tell it, they all laugh, over and over again.
The “women” don’t appreciate it, but who cares, I am not getting anything from those dames anyway. My wife gives me all that I can use, but trust me, I am paying for that dearly!
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One morning while making breakfast, Al walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt, and said, “If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose.” While this offended her, she kept silent.
The next morning, Al woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, “You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra.” This, she decided, was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed his crotch.
With a death grip in place, she said, “You know Al, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener and the poolman.”
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So, guy walks into a bar with a parrot. Hecsits at the bar and the bartender says, “what’ll you have”? Guy says, “i’ll have a beer and get the fucking parrot here whatever he wants”. Bartender says to the parrot, “what’ll you have?”
Parrot says, “i’d like a Veoli douche, straight up”
Bartender says,”only one of those i ever heard of is busy with the fellas and the broads”
Parrot says,”oh, ok, i’ll have a beer then too”
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hahahahahahahahaha
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The fellas here didn’t find it all that funny! I always prefer the broads and dames, though, even those that aren’t completely “fresh” are still pretty interesting, especially when you have to go home to a shrew who has you by the cohones!
Let that be a lesson to you young fellas to be careful what you marry. In 20 years, she will look just like her mother. Yikes!
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Here’s a new one from the fellas. You dames oughta watch out after the fellas read this:
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed as far as sex was concerned.
‘What’s that?’ he asked. She explained to him what sex was, and he said, ‘Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree.’
Horrified, she said, ‘Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly.’ She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. ‘Here,’ she said, pointing, ‘You must put it in here.’
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, ‘Why the hell did you do that?’
‘Tarzan check for bees!’ -
I like that one.
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Here’s one for the chicks. We dudes do give a s***t.
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day,she asked, ‘Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?’ ‘I’m in love,’ the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, ‘With whom?’ ‘With YOU!’ he said. ‘But Johnny,’ she said gently, ‘don’t you see how silly that is? It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child.’
‘Oh, don’t worry,’ the boy said reassuringly, ‘I’ll use a rubber!’ -
* Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled.”To which she replied, “No, it’s regular porn, you sick fuck”
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I like that one, Priapus..I thik I will share it with the fellas. Here’s one that we all have to think about (and cringe) when we see the wives:
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in ‘fashion sense.’
The man walks up to him and says, ‘I didn’t know you were into earrings.’ ‘Don’t make such a big deal out of this, it’s only an earring,’ he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, ‘So, how long have you been wearing one?’
‘Ever since my wife found it in my truck…’ -
“Doctor, won’t you please kiss me?” asks the patient.
“No. You’re a very beautiful woman, but it’s against my code of ethics,” replies the doctor.
“Please, just one kiss,” she pleads.
“Sorry,” says the doctor. “It’s totally out of the question. I shouldn’t even be fucking you.”
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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the village pharmacist to get some condoms.
The village pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. ‘Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!’ The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, ‘I had no idea you were this religious.’ The boy turns, and whispers back, ‘I had no idea your father was the village pharmacist.’ -
grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
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> “Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even, nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”
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> She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, he’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.
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Ah, the copy paste got messed up on the frickin ipad. Heres one for you Al. I promised mrs. Priapus that i’ d never tell this again, but fuggit.
Al, what’s the best thing about dating a 9 year old girl?
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Al, you ready?
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It looks SO big in her hands…
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Priapus, here’s the type of chick you wished you could date:
A guy finally gets a date with an easy blonde. To prepare for the date he sunbathes in the nude on his roof, falls asleep and burns his manhood. He doesn’t want to cancel so he slathers it with lotion and wraps it in gauze. The blonde shows up at his house, and he treats her to a home-cooked dinner. Afterwards they go to the living room to watch a movie. His manhood starts to bother him again so he excuses himself, goes into the kitchen, pours a glass of milk and immerses himself for immediate relief. The blonde, however, wanted to know what he was doing and walks in on him with his Johnson in the milk and exclaims, “So that’s how you guys load those things! “
