As sales traders we spend our entire careers getting to know our clients. We learn what makes them tick and what to avoid. We learn to speak bi-polar and deal with their many eccentricities. Sometimes working relationships take months, even years to develop – sometimes they never happen at all- and this is why our relationships are so valuable. Some clients are family men, like to talk stocks and show pictures of their kids playing in the pumpkin patch. Then there’s the other end of the spectrum – these guys think Thursday nights were created just so that brokers could throw them bachelor parties every week. Those are the kind of clients, who after a few cocktails, forget they even have kids and keep a fresh pair of boxers in their glove compartment. Whatever they do, you do your best to relate.
The other thing you do, once you figure out what your client is all about, is paint a picture in his or her mind about what your shop and trading room looks like. If he’s a serious guy then you lead him to believe that everyone in your shop is very serious too. There’s no need to mention the banana peels on the trading room floor. Instead give the impression that most of your traders have their CFA’s and are master technicians. If he’s just a dumb jock handing out orders to every meathead who recaps last night’s game, then lead him to believe you work in a locker room with He-Man Women Hater’s Club. It’s your job to make them feel at home when they comes in to trade.
My point is, is that you put lots of time, effort and thought into developing client relationships and although it makes perfect sense to introduce traders and cross sell other firm products, there are times when you should be trusted as a professional and use your discretion if you think it’s best not bring somebody along. I’ve worked at four different firms during my career and every single one of them has gone through the, “If your going to see a client, you had better bring a trader, a program guy, a desk analyst or somebody else from the firm with you” phase. It’s so hard. Most clients are nuts, traders are missing a few chromosomes (there’s a reason they’re not in sales) and here you are trying to play circus freak match-maker and not blow up any of the delusions you worked so hard to implant in your customer’s mind.
So here you are, after basically begging some guy for over nine months to go out – he finally agrees and now you have to look across the trading room talking to yourself… Eenie Meenie Miney Mupp… Which of these Traders Won’t Fuck this Up…
Hmmm… which one of these farm animals will do the least damage..? How about Billy? Nope, once he opens his big fat mouth, I’ll never get word in…. Maybe Bobby… Nope not Bobby – he’s a good trader but with that Staten Island accent he sounds like he should be checking tire pressure at Hess…. Fuck. do really have to bring somebody? I know, I’ll bring one of the algo guys!.. Screw that, they cannibalize too much of my business as it is…. And so on and so on…
So you work your way around the room until you find somebody who either (1) has something in common with your client, (2) is impressive (good luck with that one) or (3) is low-risk. Usually you have one or two ‘go to’ traders for times like this, but then the firm asks you not to play favorites.
True Story – I once brought a trader out for drinks with a female client (Scary already – I know). Everything was fine until the end of the night when I left them alone and stepped outside the bar to call cars. Five minutes I was gone. When I returned he was standing by the bar with his pants down around his ankles in some crude attempt at humor. My less than impressed speechless client couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Needless to say, she wasn’t too impressed. Once she was safely tucked into her car and on her way home, I asked my trader, “What was that?”… Oblivious to any harm he may have caused he smugly placed his half-smoked unlit cigar in his mouth and from the other corner of his mouth replied, “Oh stop – she loved it.” To this day I still don’t know what he was thinking and never will. My point is those people who manage to survive in this business are truly certifiable and when you add alcohol into the mix – it doesn’t take long before their crazy starts showing.
Just last week I was out of town with a trader who spent a large portion of his drunken night with his shirt half untucked and the other half sticking out through his unzipped pants zipper while he spilled his drinks and hit on every woman that moved. The client over heard him trying to convince some gal that his wife, his very much alive wife, was dead. As for as I am concerned, I just laugh because I know that’s just him and one of his twisted go-to lines… But as I found out the next morning, the client unfortunately has a wife who is very ill and didn’t find my associate amusing at all.
The real problem is that once you make the oil and water introduction, the awkwardness tends to linger because traders always feel the need to contact the client with the pre-cup of coffee ,“Nice meeting you” Bloomberg the following morning, random consensus thoughts thereafter and periodic no value added copy and pasted headlines. It’s always the same. The trader will make his way over to you desk, say something like, “That was good time. He’s a really good guy. What was his last name again so I can shoot him a Bloomberg?” Oh come on guy… Just leave my client alone and go torture somebody else’s accounts. Then every time the light rings or you get an order from that account the trader yells over, “Hey is that so-and-so? How’s he doing?”– like it’s his long lost uncle. Just turn around, face the screen and do your job so I can do mine.
See you soon and is it Ok if I bring one of my traders with me?
Dopey
