CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKETS: Random market movements that result in investors mistaking themselves for financial geniuses.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when kids get no longer allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants while the market collapses.
BROKER: What my broker has made me.
STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock. Bull market genius.
STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split what’s left of your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER: The guy who refuses to answer his phone – if it hasn’t been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you’re the fool who paid $240 per share for Yahoo.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Investors who have lost everything that are now locked up in mental wards.
PROFIT: An archaic word no longer in use.
MANAGEMENT FEES: Insult to injury.
LIQUIDITY: When you look at your brokerage statement and piss yourself.
STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
-Source Unknown
