I was running errands this weekend (why I need to run errands on a Saturday when my wife doesn’t work will be discussed in a later report) when I noticed a disturbing phenomenon that has become way too common. Everywhere I turned, there was a tip cup in my face. My first stop was for a much needed cup of coffee. Once I do-si-doed my way passed some irksome Girl Scouts and their tagalong mothers that had parked their not so thin mint ass’s around a folding table in front of Starbucks, there at the counter was the first tip cup of the day. Now I don’t mind tipping the coffee girl because she remembers me every time and makes my latte (go ahead and make fun of me) exactly the way I like it. That deserves a little something extra for the effort.
However, the next stop which is always guaranteed to be a mob scene, was the Bagel Boss… and there next to the register was a tip cup. Am I supposed to reward you for slapping some cream cheese on a bagel? It’s your fuckin’ job. When I was younger and worked in a Deli, you cut cold cuts, sometimes your finger and that was that. You sold cigarettes to 13 year olds and you moved on to the next customer.
Afterwards I went to the dry cleaners… and you guessed it… another tip cup. This was just ridiculous. I hand some Korean my ticket, he presses a button, the hanger train rides around the track and he takes my cash. What did I miss? Did he just do something special or go out of his way to warrant a tip..? No he didn’t, and therefore – he gets no tip! Here’s a tip…. Stop over charging me $6 to launder a fucking shirt and maybe I’ll bring you more business.
I’m going to put a tip cup in front of my Bloomberg terminal and every time I finish an order I expect a tip regardless of the execution. I’ll let you know how it works out.
-The Duke
