I can’t take it. Not one more day. Because this man’s got a heart of gold, I can live with his anal compulsive behavior, nervous ticks and peculiar need to inform me of every bowl movement…. But I can’t take the fucking whistling any more. He sits there and whistles all day… like a bird. He whistles when he’s nervous (which is all the time), he whistles when he’s bored, he even whistles when he’s hard at work in the bathroom stall. It probably wouldn’t be so bad if he would whistle a tune, but he doesn’t… I don’t think he can. He just twirps like an injured parakeet.
If you like whistling so much? Give up finance and go be a fucking crossing guard or a snake charmer.
Before I need to start taking migraine medication, I figured it was time to address this irritating behavior. I tried being polite, but the subtle hints are getting me nowhere fast. Apparently, we can add delusional to his list of psychological issues. This guy seriously believes that those around him find his whistling soothing, that it relaxes people. Who does he think he is? The fucking Pied Piper? All day long I get calls on the inside from other agitated traders from around the desk… “Do something.”… “Can’t you make him stop”… “I don’t know how you sit next to him all day”. Like I’m the one pushing the air through his perpetually puckered lips!
It’s getting to the point where I’m just not nice about it anymore, things are getting tense and we’re headed for disaster. Honestly, it’s as if his lips are now hard wired into my central nervous system. If it wasn’t a bear market, he’d have a letter opener protruding from his temple by now.
Who whistles? Only Doofuses back in the 70’s used to whistle and nobody liked it back then either. Unless your a fuckin’ teapot or one of the seven dwarfs you’ve got no business whistling while you work.
Enjoy the short week,
Dopey
