Remember SARS? In case you forgot it stands for Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, and was supposed to wipe out half the planet in 2003. Bird Flu ring a bell? This was the so called Black Plague of the 21st Century and I’ve yet to meet anyone with it. Remember Anthrax and the hysteria that swept the nation while we were still reeling from 9/11? I was out with a guy last night who snorted five lines of that shit and all it did was make him talk really fast and gave him lock jaw. HIV going air borne, meteors slamming into the planet that would block out the sun with dust, red algae destroying all oceanic life, underground volcanoes erupting in Yellowstone that would cover the nation in four feet of ash, Mayan and Chinese calenders calling for the end of the world in 2012, hidden New Testament verses that say this is the 2nd to last pope, Global warming, shrinkage in the Ozone and polar ice caps small enough to fit in my freezer, reversing magnetic poles, and solar flares… WTF! All of these wonderful things are going to wipe out life as we know it and apparently do it soon. Please… someone pass the media a joint and tell everyone to reeelax.
You have to laugh at these jack asses you see on TV walking around with surgical masks protecting their very special lives from the dreaded swine flu. Why should they care? Most of them don’t do shit anyway, they go straight home from their mundane jobs, watch the TMZ, a zooted Paula Abdul and buy jewelry on the Home Shopping Network from Susan Lucci. Most of people live their pathetic lives from meal to meal, drink too much booze, too much coffee, love their cigarettes and are at least 20-30 pounds over weight. Yet they worry about the air and swine flu. Doesn’t anyone realize that, in this country alone, tens of thousands of people die every year from the normal flu? Four homeless Mexican drug addicts die and folks in the middle east are lining up to slaughter pigs. WTF!
I guess my point is that it’s ok to die! It’s natural. People have been doing it since the beginning of time. It happens. Would it really be so bad if there were a few more empty parking spaces at the train station, or less traffic on the way to work. How about shorter lines at the DMV, less people in front of you at Starbuck and more empty seats at Yankee Stadium (ok bad example -but you get my point).
As a species we should be more focused on enjoying life, having a good time and making the world a better place for everyone. Why be so paranoid about the unavoidable? No use worrying about things you can’t control. Instead, lets put a few more rapist and child molesters on death row. Let’s limit people with horrible quality of life issues who can’t even take care of themselves to having 20 kids. Someone punch Octomom in her reproductive organs, lock up her fertility Doctor and throw away the key.
It’s just like the fools who carry those giant umbrellas… everyone is afraid and everyone is special. We can’t get wet, we can’t get the flu because we’re way too special not to exist. Who else would be able to find a million ways to do nothing everyday? The next time a newspaper wants to sell copies or a website needs hits and takes the path of mass hysteria, don’t buy into it. Instead, think about Bear Grylls, deep in the thick of of some jungle drinking his own pee and wiping his sweaty ass with itchy banana leaves and somehow he always ended up just fine.
-Six Gun
