Green Shoots- I would love to know where this shit started. Regardless,”Green Shoots” seems to be the new catch phrase of the industry and every dipshit who opens their mouth on CNBC feels the need to use the term. The economy is showing signs of life – I get it. Someone took a big fat steaming two year dump all over America’s lawn that stinks to high hell, and now we’ve got a few “green shoots” springing up through the dung. Impressive.
Maria’s fractions – This one drives me fucking crazy. Why must she inform us everyday at the close that the market is up or down fractionally? WTF does this mean? It must mean something. Maybe I’m just not smart enough to understand what her gigantic ass is saying. Unless the S&P was up or down 940 points in a day wouldn’t any move be a fractional move? And must she scream all the time? I dont know who came up with the term “money honey”, but maybe something like wad bod is a better description these days.
Bob’s Ghosts– Pisani loves to say, ” Traders on the floor are telling me”... Who? There hasn’t been a real trader on the floor of New York in years. You can only find clerks. Traders risk capitol and decide where to buy and sell stock. Clerks do what they’re told by the customer or some other guy upstairs on his trading desk. So I find it real hard to believe these guys Bob is running into down there have any earth shattering news or market moving insight the rest of us aren’t already privy too. Doesn’t Bob realize they actually have a camera down there and we can see it’s a ghost town? The few guys down there are sweeping up behind him with hair nets on. Did they tell you about the Delta hedge they put on last week?
Art – before I get into this let me just say I like Mr Cashin and this is in no way a shot on him. But for the last 10 years when they interviewed Art at the museum, I mean the floor of the NYSE, he ended every interview by signing something on his notepad. so for the last 10 years I have made about 75k betting newbies on the desk that he would. Well Art , last week for the first time since the great flood – you didn’t. Thanks for nothing.
Gap tooth – At first I used to think that Rick Santelli was amusing. But he just stands there yelling at every one about how right he is and simple this whole recovery should be. He suddenly knows more than Paulson, Geitner, and Bernake combined. The most annoying part is that after he shouts down whoever he is on with or calls for a tea party, he stands there with this dumb ass look on his face. He looks so smug as his giant gap teeth create a wind tunnel when he breathes in an out. If he was so right about this whole mess why is he still working? Shouldnt he be retired instead of standing there on the Chicago?
La La Liz – Say what you want, it just made the channel more tolerable looking at those mountains on her chest. She knew we were looking at them, and we knew we were looking at them. It was as if we all had a hidden secret with her.
Hookers and 8-balls – I love how Kudlow has become the right wing moral majority voice for the program. Isn’t this the same guy who in the mid 90’s took a 12 step program for booze and coke? Ohhhhh right he found God and is now a new man. But we all know that every time we see him with Bertha Coombs, he’s dreaming about doing a line off her ass like it was 1985.
The Most Important Hour – Why is it that everytime Maria is on tv, it’s the most important hour of the trading day? Is 3-4 really the most important hour in trading? I must have missed that in my series 7 class. I lost 2 percent btw noon and 1, but oh wait Maria’s on now, this is crunch time. Just arrogance, fat ass is on tv, so this must be the most important hour of the day. Look at my hair, look at my hair!
Drumroll Please – The annoying dramatic music that plays before every story. ‘THE AIG STORY’, by David Faber…dum dum dum…..Behind Walmart…dum dum dum…..Behind the Grasso pay package…dum dum dum…..Notice how when Mr Buffet goes on, they’re all nice and quiet…no jokes, no music. Or when they dig up that dinosaur Jack Welsh they dont piss him off. One time I want them to have that dumb music shoot off when Becky is interviewing Warren. “WILL BERKSHIRE SURVIVE…DUM DUM DUM….watch him back slap Becky right off the chair and say “You brought that upon your self.”
I’m sorry we are short on time – They do this 500 times a day. Ask someone to come on, fuck around stroking themselves for five minutes, then cut off the guy they asked on. I would throw down my head set and pull a Christian Bale. Dont ask these people to come on if you dont have time for them, most of these people are CEO’s who actually do something of their lives. Wait we have to cut away…dum dum dum “Hi its me Maria, welcome to the most important hour of the trading day and P.S. the market is down fractionally.”
-Six Gun
