I recently moved to the NYC metro area, and as a lifelong Bostonian, I have a few observations to share with the financial community here on Dopey. This site has a large, underground following back home and the trading desks to the north have followed it for some time. We’ve noticed many recent articles have become more mean spirited and not quite as collegial and professional as in the past.
Well, as an Ivy League grad that I am, I figured I might try my more refined pen at an article dedicated to New York City and its very diverse, educated and professional populace …. Let’s start by saying I think you suck! Where to begin … it’s just all so easy for us classy and sophisticated Bostonians, with our pedigree backgrounds and more refined taste in nearly everything….schooling, cars, clothes, and certainly our women. You see in Boston, we’re a bit more down to earth, no matter how much money we may or may not have. It’s a lifestyle of dignity, respect, character and pride … its called class.
I guess its all in your upbringing, but let’s say one was to objectively choose from a variety of topics … the Kennedy Family or Charlie Rangel and Al Sharpton, New England clam chowda or Manhattan (I still can’t believe there is such a fuckin thing!) clam chowder. What fuckin NYC ritard would pass up attending Harvard or Boston College or even Bunker Hill Community for that matter … to attend Columbia, Fordham, NYU, etc? The rat and disease ridden streets of Astoria, Staten Island, and the Bronx or Cambridge, The Back Bay, and Charlestown. Cheers or Seinfeld (well I might give you that one, but its close). Sam Adams or Brooklyn Lager. Johnny Most or Suzyn (OMG! It’s Roger Clemens) Waldman. The Fenway tradition or the new Yankee Stadium (you front running fucks gotta be real proud of that fiasco) Fisk or Munson … even sports legends nicknames …. The Living Legend (Bird) vs. Walt “Clyde .. wtf?” Frazier ….. “Splendid Splinter”, “The Kid”, “Teddy Ballgame”,vs. Joe “Yankee Clipper” Dimaggio (what the fuck does that even mean?) “Joltin Joe” ??? For real, that’s suppose to be a good nickname?…. need I go on ??? …. And don’t get me started on the Sawx/Yankee rivalry. I will concede the volume of work puts the Yankees firmly ahead, but the last few Yankee titles should be wiped clean given the steroid, HGH, aids infested clubhouse that ensured your recent titles. Even the great Joe Torre is now throwing his team under the bus as fast as Jeter drops his pants for his daddy A-Rod … enough said. And while we’re on this subject .. Let’s pause for a moment and reflect on the greatest event of the 21st century. The greatest choke of all time (even beats Buckner) 2004 ALCS comeback … Red Sox 4 games to Yankees 3 games ….. Just about says it all doesn’t it??
You see in Boston, we’re a bit more real, a bit more down to earth, no matter how much money we might have. We’re not self centered fucks living in the biggest pile of garbage on the east coast. We might drive our jeep to Wellfleet, Vermont, or Maine. New Yawkers like to feel important in their Mercedes on the way to the Hamptons and great outdoor ski areas like Hunter Mountain. Nothing better than watching some jappy NYC biatch w/ her metrosexaul boyfriend experiencing a day at the beach. She spends an hour putting on makeup, hair, jewelry and the right look to go to the beach, as he walks across the sand in his Gucci loafers and bathing suit from Barney’s …I almost think I’d rather see your typical New Yorker Porker on the beach than one of these soon to be annoying wannabe desperate Housewives of NYC… You fucks ruined the Hamptons. Montauk and Nantucket years ago and now working on Newport … stay out of New England .. We don’t want you.
We prefer the smart, outdoor, athletic, prep school look … you know like you’d see in Harvard Yard while tossing the pigskin around with your buddies as the autumn sun sets over the Charles River. Guys in tee shirts and jeans and good looking naturally pretty women in their broken in sweatshirts and faded Sox cap ….. ahhhh .. kind of reminds one of an afternoon in NYC … playing stickball in the streets outside of Hunter College while dodging bullets, coke dealers and hookers doesn’t it? Yes, it’s another beautiful in the dirty concrete jungle that is New York.
So, while watching the disgraceful Keith Olbermann show the other night and hearing him rant about why a terrorist should get eight hours of sleep a night, cable TV, and a Korean frip over massage in Astoria and him blaming Bush for everything from the birth of Hitler to the Beatles breakup. I’m enlightened by this … “New York drivers are the worst in the Nation”. Now this shouldn’t come as any surprise to most of the free world. But here in New York, where everyone thinks they are the center of the universe and loves to brag about living in the “greatest city in the world”, and they take pride in their fast paced, pushy, arrogant world. These self centered fucks think they actually are good drivers.
Most that live in Manhattan are the type that was born on third base and think they hit a home run… Others are regular guys like Vinnie from Queens, Achmed from Astoria or Tyrone from Harlem … but you all have one thing in common … Everyone outside of the NYC area .. thinks you suck and you’re driving sucks. You see, I from Boston … I know about bad drivers .. But you guys take it to another level of absurdity. At any point in time, the I-95 stretch from Bridgeport to NYC is filled with the biggest assortment of losers, degenerates, and morons on the face of the earth, and I don’t just mean the people that reside in Bridgeport or the Bronx. I don’t care how wealthy, educated, or what kind of car you drive … you, Vinnie, Achmed and Tyrone have on thing in common …when you drive you’re a moronic asshole. Boston drivers may be aggressive but they are not idiots.
In closing here are the top three definitions of New Yorkers I could plagiarize from the worldwide web:
1) Citizens of New York City are generally douchebags. They rarely take pride in anything they’ve accomplished in life, but rather where their mother happened to shit them out.
2) Somebody who overrates his own importance. Insists he lives in the best city in the world, despite the fact that he smokes pole.
3) Some are just curse-spitting lowlifes, some are coldhearted bastards who think they belong to “high society” and are “on top of the world” (they’re really only on top of their mamma). Many “New Yorkers” had 100s or dozens of sexual partners and long forgotten that love, intimacy, care, etc. STDs are rampant. New Yorkers think it’s normal to go to a bar and find a one-night stand or to dump their partner on some petty issue and easily find a replacement (the dumped New Yorkers don’t care too much though, because they are as commitment-phobic as their lovers) Most New Yorkers fear or dislike nature and anything that is natural, for that matter, and try to hide behind fake values and things like “style and fashion” to conceal their spiritual and emotional emptiness. They prefer to see nature tamed and confined to something like Park Avenue poodle (who spends his days pampered at DOG DAYCARE).
New York sucks… Boston doesn’t.
Have a nice day,
Outlaw
