Many of you non-industry readers might think the Wall Street stories you’ve heard are a bit of an exaggeration, and more often than not … they are. But Wall Street trading desks tend to congregate some of the most talented, brightest, street smart, devious and deviant people in the country. We never claim to be the academic elite or members of high society, but on balance we’re pretty fucking smart — but usually just when we need to be. The problem is so often we do things or find ourselves in the surroundings of things that most wouldn’t consider so smart.
Times have changed though… I guess I’m a bit of a dinosaur, I recall my first years on a big sell side desk hearing about all the coke filled private jets to Puerto Rico for the weekends with the boys (and hired girls)… maybe we’ve all matured a bit, maybe it’s the new Obama rules, or some bad apples that ruined it for everyone with midget tossing parties on private jets paid for on the corporate credit card, but Wall Street has had to curtail some of the proud traditions of decades gone by. So I thought I would jot down a few of the stories I’ve heard over the years (not that I was involved in any). And as always I expect the comment section to include many more stories…. from the band of derelicts run by Jane, Psycho, Dopey, Six Gun, and ET all. I know these few anecdotes pale in comparison to some of the memories you morally deficient traders have but here it goes…..
Remember I wasn’t there……..
The Unicorn dildo hat, that Candy put on the bachelor’s head before making sick stripper love to it and then his shiny, bruised forehead that walked out of room 835 at the Bellagio sixty minutes later
4:00 am County Cork, IR…. Got to know the caddie masters daughter a little better, then three hours later tipping her dad an extra $20 and shaking his hand with my unwashed hand … going to hell for that one
The trader who lost a $5,000 bet when his friend holed an eighty foot put at Pebble Beach
Witnessing a hot young 19 yr old’s first lesbian experience and the same day seeing my friend’s white hairy ass as I walked into his room while banging 2 hookers … talk about a buzz kill
The backroom at VIP, watching 2 dancers undresses my buddy’s new girlfriend …. All the while she kept saying … I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t be doing this…. I don’t even like girls… still one of the hottest things ever
Finding out the same friend passed out in his jeep on his front lawn…..and the next day his kids find him on their way to the bus stop
Played golf with an ex-NHL All Star, while threatening to punch me in the face for sandbagging my handicap, then he pukes all over the 7th green at Bandon Dunes
The Vegas trips when “this guy” my friend knows shows up at the hotel door with a bigger assortment of drugs than the fucking CVS pharmacy .. And then asks “well what kind of girls do you want for tonight?”….
Well… I could go on but you get the point ….. The point is these things do go on in life … not just in this business…..it’s the guy from the big marketing company whose boss’s girlfriend is a hooker, the monthly salesmen conventions… even the illegal immigrants that wash my car end up at Beamer’s on a Friday afternoon. It’s what makes the world go round … so party on, have fun, don’t hurt anyone and remember it’s all good bro…
-Desperado
