I am a former college cheerleader that graduated from a well known Big 10 school. The last 5 years of my life have been dedicated to trying to grind out a living on illustrious Wall Street as a sell side trader, covering the mid-west. One of the powers that be thought this would be a natuaral fit considering the locale of my alma mater. I might not look as hot as I did in my pom pom days, but I still am the owner of an incredible pair of of non man made tits and an ass that you could shoot a quarter off.
These assets combined with my intelligence have treated me well in this business up to this point. So, last month when my boss called me in his office to lecture me that the commissions from my region better pick up in September it took me a little by surprise. I figured the best way to handle this was make a personal appearance and visit these handful of accounts that most N.Y salestraders have never heard of, but always seem to be on the first page of my Bloomberg HDS screen in every stock we trade. I got out my suitcase, packed my favorite pair of Jimmy Choo shoes and a pretty little form fitting black dress that barely covers the twins. It shows just enough leg that most men at least give me a quite a double take, but still can’t be considered inappropriate. Armed with best commission generating uniform, I booked myself on a flight determined to get these accounts eating out of the palm of my hands.
During the flight I started suffering a massive anxiety attack, envisioning myself without a 6 figure paying job and the ridiculous rent I pay for my quaint little apartment that I love so much. The thought popped into my head that maybe it wouldn’t be so wrong to bed down with one of these buy side, order factories. Hell I just broke up with my boy friend of two years and maybe anything was excusable in this recession to make ends meet. Then I started to panic more, 99% of the so called men I meet in this business are repulsive. They sit next to me proudly clipping their fingernails on the desk, chew tabacco, spit in a cup, take their shoes off under the desk, curse like drunken sailors, make friends with their clients by talking about “putting women on the tape” and stare at me like I am the centerfold in playboy magazine. By the time the flight crew told us the plane was about to land, I had decided not to mix business with pleasure, and who was I kidding anyway. I had never done anything like that before even if I sometimes dress the part.
After checking into my hotel , I slipped on my little black dress and pumps, and made my way to the bar where I was supposed to meet my account. The first two guys I met were exactly what I was fearing. Beer swilling fat asses that talked to me like I was incapable of a coherent sentence. This was definately a no go. When we sat down for dinner they informed me one more person would be meeting us and he was really the person who would determine when and if my firm could move up the commission ladder. Naturally he was late. Well mid way through my third glass of white wine, in walks in this really cute, blonde haired, blue bule eyed guy, who excused himself for being late and took the seat directly across from me. During dinner he was charming, funny, and kept making direct eye contact with me that was anything but uncomfortable. I could almost feel myself blushing at times. I couldn’t believe it, I was actually really attracted to this guy and would date him if he wasn’t in the business. I would DO this guy! After dinner I found myself disappointed that everyone was starting to go their seperate ways. Just then ken doll asked me what I had planned to do for the rest of the night. I stuttered that I didn’t have plans. This is when my night took a tragic turn.
Ken was nice enough to invite me out to a local club to meet his friends. I was more than willing at this point. His friends were nice and polite and he seemed completely manly and cool the entire time. I was having a blast. This could be a win/win situation for me! Around midnight his friends took off and we decided it was shot time. After 2 rounds ken asked me where I was staying, and when I told him he commented that was too far and I would need a cab, and how jealous I should be that he lived only 2 blocks away. Not knowing if it was the vodka or the visions of myself homeless, I responded by saying I would love to see it. I couldn’t believe I was so blunt and almost regretted it immediately but before I could feel uncomfortable I was walking into kens very neat and clean apartment. This was the clincher, I was ready to go! TOO BAD HE WASN’T
After making out for what seemed like hours, ken doll wasn’t making any moves. I hadn’t come this far to let this end without closure. During the endless makeout session I started peeling articles of clothing off, hoping this would kick things off. So here I am completely naked with him laying in bed fully clothed, painfully twisting my nipples like he was trying to find an AM radio station during a rain storm. His left hand glued to my left breast like a 3 month old holding his mother. This guy was never going to make a move. So I took things in my own hands literally. I undressed this fool and prepared to do the unthinkable. I was going to service this guy. Well thats when things became all too clear. This guy put the MINI in Minneapolis. I usually dont care about these things, but this guy was a thumb nail. I didn’t even know how to start. Would it get bigger? Was this it? Not to mentioned that this guy was laying on the bed like he took the same medication that killed Michael Jackson. He had his eyes closed like he was praying, with one hand glued to his side and the other still groping for my right tit. So as I am using my hand on him trying to come up with a plan as to what to do next, ken lets out a moan. OMG he just finished! What! How! HE still was paralized on his back in a trance. I ran to the bathroom and cleaned my hand off only to come back to him pretending to be sleeping. This was a nightmare. I got dressed like a hooker who just got paid and took a cab back to my hotel. (Which wasn’t that far by the way) The next morning I was on a flight home.
Needless to say no orders ever came. Ken was probably telling everyone on his desk how he “put me on the tape”. I am now a sell side slut, and one not doing any business to boot. So my friends that run this site were nice enough to let me share this story with you, for one reason and one reason only. I just want the world to know that ken doll has a little dick!
– Sell Side Slut
