Top Reasons to Choose Sales Traders over Algos
An algorithm isn’t going print you down sixty cents on 50k shares of IBM just because you were late entering an order or take the blame entirely when you enter it on the wrong side.
Algorithms won’t stop you on 250k shares just because your PM is up your ass.
Once the liquidity dries up, algorithms are almost as useless as the guy to my left.
You won’t find many algorithms hanging out in the back room of the VIP club paying for your lap dances… and while we’re on that subject algos won’t hold onto your dry cleaning.
When you enter the orders yourself – you only have yourself to blame. We both know that can never work.
You can’t talk down to your algorithms.
You can’t give an algorithm fifteen conflicting sets of instructions for the same order.
Algorithms don’t have corporate cards.
Algorithms don’t speak bipolar.
You won’t see an algorithm go over to that leggy six foot blond, pay for 5 rounds and pump your tires till he’s blue in the face just so your pompous ass gets to fail after just a 5 min conversation with her.
An algo can’t get a summer internship (or friends) for your dorky son.
An algorithm isn’t going to lead you to believe you’re getting squeezed in on a hot 4x oversubscribed deal when in reality the ECM department would have an easier time selling time shares in Iraq.
Algorithms never ask you to tell their wives they stayed at your house.
Algorithms won’t laugh at your bad jokes or pretend not to notice your bad breath.
Will an algorithm lie to you, say there going to be in town anyway and then fly three hours just so that they can stop in your office for a shit cup of coffee while you can tell it how it’s nowhere on the research list but you you have no problem calling if you see them in a name you see it advertising (Bullshit!) and since you’re short handed on the desk you’ve got to cut meeting even shorter. Thanks for stopping by.
Since an algorithm isn’t going to call you when the stock gaps or news comes out then why not work with a sales trader – cause when it comes to missing that stuff, we’ve got it down to a science.
After you’re firm realizes how much more work buy-side traders can do thanks to all the snazzy algorithms you introduced, your desk gets cut in half and you get let go in this industry of no return, you can bet your ass those algorithms won’t be forwarding your resume around the street and helping you find your next job.
Algorithms aren’t going to wine to you about current commission levels… Oh wait…. Disregard.
An algorithm cant walk around STANY parties telling stories about what firms their old man ran.
After a front row Yankee invite, you can’t ask an algorithm if it would be okay if your “girlfriend’s brother” joined you.
An algorithm cant poach an account because their roommates sister worked the coat check at the restaurant where the head traders father ate at.
An algo cant call in sick on deal day with some funky stomach thing he strangely picked up between 5 and 6am that morning and had to go home from the train station.
We all know that if for no other reason, clients need sales traders because they know they would sound absolutely ridiculous calling in screaming at an algorithm.
Keep fighting the fight,
Dopey
