This story takes place right after 9/11 and focuses on a woman who had just started working on the desk (Let’s refer to her as the NEW GAL). It’s hard enough just being a woman in this business never mind sticking with it.. That being said, this chick was cool – she could hang and it only took a month or two to really become part of the desk. The problem is that no matter how cool a chick is, the woman in her eventually comes out and they start talking. She began sharing personal stories. Stories about her family, day-to-day girlfriend crap, ex-boyfriend problems and soon she starting to talk out loud about the “guy she was seeing.”
This is where the fun starts. Apparently New Gal had been dating this guy for only a short time but was really “into him”. She also felt the need to inform us how they hadn’t gone all the way yet, but since he was taking her away on a weekend trip to Miami, she felt pressured. She actually asked us (traders) “to make her feel better” and give reassurance that she was under no obligation to have sex just because he was flying her to Miami. What??? This was a trading desk, not The View! The situation was explained like so, “If a dude puts a chick on a plane, he’s getting laid – even if that plane s going to Iowa, he’s still getting laid. That’s how it works and all men know that.” That’s not what she wanted to hear but still felt she could “manage the situation”.
Friday morning rolled around and here comes the happy go-lucky new gal with her abstinence bag packed for her big big weekend with the new boyfriend. The plan was to leave directly from work and meet him at the airport for a 6pm flight. Over the course of the morning, this girl rehashed her nervous thoughts with the desk and her lack of game plan for how to approach the sex “situation”. And she was nervous because (once again) “she was into him” and did not want to mess things up
At some point that day, one of the guys on the desk (let’s just call him GENIUS) decided something needed to be done and hatched a plan. He collected quite a bit of money and sent one the junior guys to Rite Aid. Naturally, New Gal made the classic trading room mistake of failing to keep her travel bag in sight at all times and was about to pay the price for that naivety.
Now Keep in mind it’s less than a year after 9/11 and the peak of TSA Bag Search Hell. Her trader-monkey buddies got a hold of her carry-on bag, opened 50 boxes of condoms and stuffed the entire 500 (FIVE-HUNDRED) individual condoms into the very top of her overnight bag. Then just to make sure an xray scanner flag would be raised they added a pair of scissors, a stapler and and a wrench somebody found under the office sink.
So we’ve got a new boyfriend, sexual tension, the stress of travel in our new post 9/11 world on a Friday night with 100 plus angry travelers behind them on the security line when this chick’s pinata sets off the alarm and she is asked if they can search it. Now she and the new guy schlep on over to the search area with one very large serious black TSA agent who could have doubled for John Amos (JJ’s father from Good Times). This big bad ass’s straight face was soon replaced with shock and surprise once he ran that zipper back.
Like one of those pop out snakes in a nut can, over a hundred condoms burst out onto the counter and spilled all over the floor. She didn’t know whether to run or hide. The new girl literally broke down in tears while the TSA agent burst out in laughter (before quickly regaining his professional composure of course). As for the new boyfriend… He quickly became airport legend and got a taste of what it’s like to date a woman in the business. Another couple who must have been on that line ended up sitting across from our weekend adventurers because every now and then when they finally stopped thinking about it, the guy across the way would look over with this mischievous grin and give them a thumbs up.
Keeping the true stories alive,
Dopey
