Here’s one Dopey- I want to address our trading Boy Wonder. Normally he parades around the office with chest spuffed out like King Kong but once finds himself trading more than two orders at once he turns into all three stooges rolled up in one. He’s so overwhelmed he makes my wife look in control (and that’s not easy to do).
“Yo Jay, how much has traded since we got that order?”… Brian, how much is this one up since we started?”… “Hey Sammy! What’s the market doing right now? We going higher or lower?”… “Can somebody wipe me?”… But to expect nothing less – if you should try to help this guy or point something out, all you get is, “Yeah I see it”, “I know”, “I know already” – … Fucking idiot.
Boy Wonder refuses to use anything other than algos to trade with and absolutely SPAZZES when he’s working 20-30% of the volume. WTF happened to just using algorithms to “set and forget” your more passive orders while you work the challenging ones. Do the room a favor and learn to use Instinet, Arca, or some other ECN to actually trade with. Ever here of crossing stock or maybe using a dark pool? What fucking trading planet are you from anyway – Morgan Keagan?
This guy honestly thinks that every order that comes in is because of him and that clients are extra “happy” when he’s done – like he did and extra special job just for them. Bro, unless you really butcher the order, clients don’t care – they just want to be done somewhere close to in-line.
The most entertainingly annoying thing about this side-show is how when he’s trading, he’s constantly yelling about the pipe being down. He’s the worst trader on the planet and he’s always blaming the technology. “The pipe’s down!!!” [Insert Phone Smash] The pipe’s down!!! “ it’s funny how the pipe only goes down when his average is starting to look bad or when he realizes he’s way behind volume. You know you’re in fucked when Wonder Boy has one of your orders and all of a sudden you here, “Pipe’s Down!” I feel bad for Chang our tech guy (who could be the most miserable person on the planet) This poor bastard gets screamed at and blamed for everyone of Boy Wonder’s bad executions (which is most). One day he even blamed Chang for forgetting his own anniversary – something about outlook reminders not popping up the way they should. The gigs up man. You suck at what you do. Stop blaming the machines and poor Chang before he finally snaps, comes in with a machine gun and takes us all out.
Here’s an idea… Next time (which should be in less than 5 minutes) you start to fuck up an order… instead of yelling “Pipe’s Down!!” just be honest with yourself and the room and start yelling, “I Suck! I Suck!.. And I’m banging Tammy the research assistant!” I mean it’s not like we all don’t know already – and this way you can leave poor Chang out of it.
-Fed Up
